Rant 53 November 2009: Swhiner baby

Hey! Apparently there is this thing called swine flu! And we are all going to die horribly from it! Instead of the Four Horsemen, the apocalypse will be wrought upon us by the Four Pigmen, who will arrive in a burst of porcine glory astride their mighty oinking and snuffling steeds!

Rant 52 July 2009: Mistress goes to the mountain

Things I learned on my summer vacation: Oxygen is important. Colorado grandmothers make Marines look like crybabies. Also, eyeballs can explode. Cooool.

Rant 51 May 2009: Rituals of renewal

As the Animatronic robot sang to Bart Simpson, “You’re the birthday, you’re the birthday, you’re the birthday boy or girl.” My second birthday, competitive dishwasher unloading, and new opportunities for Hallmark.

Rant 50 March 2009: Ain’t that a shame

I’ll get up in front of anyone to talk about anything. I can’t promise it will be interesting, relevant, or amusing, but hey, you get what you pay for. At least I’m up there and not losing sphincter control. So it was a rather interesting experience to find myself crying in front of an audience. And not just a nice little politician’s crocodile tear. I mean full-on, let ‘er rip, snorking complete with the DTs and PTSD. WTF?

Rant 49 September 2008: How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb

If you are like most people, you are probably a failure, many times over. You have screwed up so many times from birth to this present moment that your cumulative idiocies could pile up to the moon – before themselves breaking away, clumping together, and forming a satellite of their own. But don’t be discouraged!

Rant 48 August 2008: You’re lying to yourself

Hi everybody! It’s OMGBFF A here, and I will be your guest ranter this month. It’s been a busy time in KristaLand, what with her new coaching business and all, so I figured I could buy her some time by talking about myself and providing the August 2008 Rant of the Month.

Rant 47: June 2008 On the good ship Karmapop

Wow. Just wow. I cannot come up with a better word to describe what’s happened since I took my job and shoved it. My karma ship came in like a luxury cruise liner full of buffet tables and inebriated hotties stumbling upon a desert island castaway.

Rant 46 April 2008: Shoveling to nowhere, or, let’s quitz again, like we did last summer

It’s been a hard winter in Toronto. It started earlier than normal with a snowstorm that was like Satan had mated with a canister of liquid nitrogen, and kinda just went from there. It’s now April 6 as I write this, and there are still piles of snow outside, hanging on by their icy little fingernails. So you can’t blame people for getting a little kooky.

Rant 44 December 2007: Separate but equal

Every sport carries with it some risks; we have to be vigilant and careful. In martial arts, especially in class, we shouldn’t execute techniques with which we are not completely familiar, and certainly we must exercise restraint.

It is an understatement to say that I am not patient; I left patience behind so long ago that it is a ghostly memory to me. My time off the mats has taught me the importance of patience, of looking at my activity as a long-term project. Taking an extra week off is far better than coming back a week too soon, re-injuring myself, and spending an additional four weeks away…