Yeah. That’s right. Fuck calories.

Sick of all the bullshit around eating? Me too. Let’s get real and make eating fun again.

Enter your email address in the box to the right and download yourself a copy of my FREE (yes, free as in beer) e-book: Fuck Calories*.

Really, it’s the only nutrition book you’ll ever need.

But of course, stick around if you like. We’re happy to have you.

Big thanks and squatlove to designer and Stumpfan Michel Vrana for the cover and frontispiece!


*Yes, this book has cuss words. Many of them. Deal with it. Hey, it’s free. You get what the fuck you pay for.

Enjoy Fuck Calories in another language!

Thanks to all the wonderful readers who volunteered their time and effort to translate Fuck Calories into their native language. Let’s spread the dietary heresies around the globe!

(I don’t speak any of these languages, so I can’t promise they haven’t given me a shopping list or something.)

Fuck Calories – Bulgarian!

Click to download Зaеби калориите in PDF.

Translation: Nikolay Daskalov

Fuck Calories – Czech!

Click to download Vyserte Se Na Kalorie in PDF.

Translation: Petr Juza

Fuck Calories – Dutch!

Click to download Oprotten met die calorieën in PDF.

Translation: Edith van der Have-Raats
Proofreading: Yvana van den Hork

Fuck Calories – Estonian!

Click to download Persse need kalorid in PDF.

Translation: Jass Murutalu, Kristjan Koik, Elise-Marit Kippar, and Risto Uuk

Fuck Calories – German!

Click to download Scheiß auf Kalorien in PDF. (No formatting applied; just plain text.)

Translation: Markus Wessel

Fuck Calories – Polish!

Click to download Pieprzyć Kalorie in PDF.

Translation: Karolina Owczarzak

Fuck Calories – Slovenian!

Click to download Jebeš Kalorije in PDF.

Be sure to visit Katarina and say thanks. The translation team included:

Translation: Jan Kok
Editing: Katarina Višnar
Proofreading: Renata Hari
DTP: Uroš Trujkić

Fuck Calories – Spanish!

Click to download A La Chingada Con Las Calorías in PDF.

This was maybe one of the best translation efforts ever, because we took the time to discuss the best interpretation of “Fuck”. Apparently there are numerous regional variations. Spanish speakers, you have my utmost respect for your dedication to exuberant and diverse cussin’.

Translation: Carolina Belmares

I wanna translate!

Hey, why the hell not?! Spread the word of Stumptuous around the world. If you want to take a crack at translating Fuck Calories into another language, drop me a line and volunteer. Viva la revolution!